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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24759778">Oh, with your grace</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vampiric_Charms/pseuds/Vampiric_Charms'>Vampiric_Charms</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Gen, Pining, mostly comfort</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:22:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,979</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24759778</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vampiric_Charms/pseuds/Vampiric_Charms</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>JJ has a difficult night after a case and the only person she believes can calm the jumble of her emotions is Emily.  Just like old times, JJ finds safety with her friend when her mind will not stop reminding her of things she wishes to forget.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jennifer "JJ" Jareau &amp; Emily Prentiss, Jennifer "JJ" Jareau/Emily Prentiss</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>123</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Oh, with your grace</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Set vaguely after s12e8 “Scarecrow”, but if you haven’t seen it yet or don’t remember it well that’s okay!  No spoilers, only a throwaway comment near the middle.  </p><p>Enjoy!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em> Are you still awake? </em>
</p><p>JJ looked at her phone, checking again to see if there was any response to the text she had sent a few minutes ago.  Nothing.  She sighed and stuffed her phone back into her purse, then looked up at the apartment building she had parked beside to wait for that response she hadn’t yet received.  She couldn’t see Emily’s apartment from here, to tell if her lights were on.</p><p>But then, she decided, it was still worth it to try.</p><p>She got out of her car, locking it as she went up the stairs and punching in the entry code for the front door Emily had given her during a different lifetime.  Before all the death and pain, when the monsters were never so close.  It was late, well after midnight, but they had only just landed maybe two hours ago.  Long enough for JJ to go home, be surrounded by peaceful silence as her family slept, write a note, and then leave again.  It was starting to become a regular occurrence, her being anxious in silence like that, and she didn’t like it much.</p><p>Bypassing the elevator, JJ took the stairs in the hopes the movement would get some of her more obtrusive jitters out of her system.  No such luck, though, and by the time she reached Emily’s door those jitters had coalesced into a deep thud against her ribs.  Anxiety - <em> call it what it was</em>, she told herself.  Anxiety, PTSD, anger, fear.  All of it, most of it.</p><p>She just needed to see Emily.  That would help, it always helped.</p><p>She knocked, suddenly not sure if she had made the right choice by leaving her home instead of just waking Will so they could talk until she fell asleep.  That was definitely what she should have done.  Coming here instead was...was something she used to do years ago.  Not now.</p><p>Emily didn’t answer and, refusing to continue analyzing her behaviour even as she understood it too well, JJ dug out her keyring to find the flower-printed key Emily had given her at the same time as the code for the entry door.  <em> Come by whenever you want, I’ll never turn you away, I promise</em>, she had told JJ, sincere and real.</p><p>The lights in the entryway were off, but there was light in the kitchen and the bedroom.  JJ could smell a candle, one with a soft, soothing scent.  Sergio’s food bowl was recently filled (and already half eaten).  An empty wine glass was on the counter by the sink, a small plate.  Emily’s go-bag tossed on the sofa, dirty laundry already pulled out and separated.</p><p>“Emily?  It’s me.”  </p><p>No response, and the silence here was creeping just like it had been at home.  But JJ took a breath, felt the anxiety, the fear, and pushed it away. </p><p>She slipped her shoes off at the door and set her purse down beside Emily’s bag on the sofa.  The light from the bedroom cast a soft glow on the floor of the hallway, and JJ walked toward it, already knowing what she would find.</p><p>And yes, there she was.  Emily was asleep on top of the covers in bed, a book dropped against her chest.  Sergio was draped across her legs like a blanket, keeping her shins warm.  Her hair was damp, as if she had just showered off the stink of travel.   </p><p>“Emily,” JJ said again, softly, and this time Emily stirred, her eyes fluttering open quickly and her hand convulsively grasping at the book before it could fall to the floor.   </p><p>She found JJ in the doorway almost immediately and frowned in concern, starting to sit up.  “Jayj?  Is everything okay?”</p><p>She sounded tired, and suddenly JJ felt tired, too.  Felt exhausted and worn and bursting at the seams.  “Can I stay here tonight?” she asked, almost before the question had formed in her head.  But of course that was why she came here.  She needed to stay, she needed to be here, needed to be <em> close</em>.  “I, um, didn’t want to wake Will and the kids when I got home, so…”</p><p>Her words drifted off and she shuffled to rest her weight against the doorframe, arms crossed protectively against her chest.  Even without the rest of her excuse Emily nodded, sitting up all the way and making to stand.  Sergio jumped down and trotted into the bathroom to sleep instead in the closet. </p><p>“Yeah,” Emily said.  “Yeah, of course you can.  Are you hungry?  I have some fresh fruit in the fridge, blackberries.  They just need to be rinsed.”  Blackberries.  JJ’s favorite.  Emily’s, too.</p><p>JJ shook her head.  “Um, no thanks.  I think I just need to sleep.”</p><p>“Okay,” Emily said, giving her a lopsided smile that still - always - made JJ’s chest ache.  “Help yourself to some pajamas, if you need them,” she added, gesturing to the chest of drawers by the wall, “and get into bed.  I’m just going to turn out the lights.  Be right back.”</p><p>Emily’s smile widened, genuine and beautiful and comforting, and she slipped past JJ into the living room.  Feeling both detached and present, JJ pulled open the second drawer, where she knew the pajamas would be, and tugged out a soft oversized shirt she had worn before on other nights like this.  She could hear Emily in the kitchen now, running water in the sink and putting her dishes into the dishwasher, a pitched beeping as she set the alarm by the front door.</p><p>JJ changed quickly, folding her well-worn clothes from that day and placing them on top of the chest.  The candle was there, and she blew it out.  Without thinking, and feeling very much like her limbs were moving on their own, she went to the bed and pulled back the covers on the side opposite the one Emily preferred.  The sheets were so smooth, so soft and cool and clean against her skin, and she sank down to rest her head against the pillow.</p><p><em> Safe</em>.  </p><p>She felt safe here, surrounded by Emily’s things and her scent and <em> her</em>.  JJ’s best friend.  Her light in the storm.  Her...everything, but also nothing at all.</p><p>The overhead light flicking off startled her, but Emily touched her shoulder as she passed, obviously having noticed the jump and understanding more than JJ did herself.  “Just me,” she whispered.  “You okay?” she asked as she got into bed as well, rolling to her side so she was facing JJ and then pulling the covers up over her shoulders against the chilly night.</p><p>JJ looked at her, not even having to squint through the darkness to see Emily’s sharp features surrounded by that black hair.  Her eyes were fathomless like this, in the dark, and JJ remembered the time she had fallen into them, hadn’t stopped herself and hadn’t <em> scared </em> herself.  It was the first - the only - time they had nearly kissed, and JJ wondered if Emily remembered it too.  </p><p>She wondered if it mattered anymore.</p><p>But no, it didn’t.  Now JJ was married and happy and mother to two perfect children.  So no, it didn’t matter at all.  And JJ would never, ever, throw that away.  Never.</p><p>Emily was staring at her in the dark, studying JJ’s face and waiting for an answer to her question.  JJ smiled at her, though it was fleeting and strained.  “Fine,” she replied, feeling the lie as it left her tongue.  “Just…”  She sighed heavily and tried again, tried to piece together the torrent of emotions that would not leave her alone that night.</p><p>“Would it be crazy if I said I was suddenly afraid of corn?”</p><p>“What?” Emily asked, chuckling at her answer and hearing the humor JJ had intended.</p><p>“Or barley, or whatever was in the cilo.”  She shrugged as best she could swaddled in the sheets, and turned her face into the pillow as she continued when Emily didn’t seem to understand where she was going.  “I guess I just get upset whenever you almost die.  Again.”</p><p>Emily made a soft sound of comprehension and reached out under the blankets to find JJ’s hand, which she squeezed with her own.  “I’m okay,” she said softly.  “You know that.  We’re all okay.”</p><p>The feeling of Emily’s strong fingers wrapped around hers was like a tether, a way to clear her mind and free her words.  “I know, I know.”  And she did, she absolutely did.  “But - I dunno.  Ever since...ever since Doyle,” she finally said in a small rush, “it just feels different, every time you’re - in danger, I guess.  Because I’ve already lost you once.”</p><p>“Is that what’s upsetting you so much tonight?” Emily asked, her voice steady even as her eyebrows came together with a touch of worry.  “You were fine when we got back to the office earlier.  What happened?”</p><p>“Nothing,” JJ said.  “Or at least, not really.  I just...was sitting there in the kitchen when I got home, and it was so <em> quiet</em>, you know?  Will was asleep, the kids were asleep, and I couldn’t stop thinking about - about everything that happened to you.  And about the corn,” she added with a little chortle before pushing the rest of the words out.  “I’ve had a hard time with silence lately.  I just - I don’t know, I keep remembering things I wish I could stop thinking about.”</p><p>She almost asked Emily how she did it, how she kept her thoughts and emotions and reactions so close, so under control.  But she knew why, and it wouldn’t help JJ to have an answer to that question.</p><p>Instead of saying anything, Emily reached up with her free hand and brushed the hair out of JJ’s face, behind her ear.  She pressed her palm gently to JJ’s cheek, a silent request for JJ to look at her.  Her grin this time was soft, and JJ’s heart felt lighter just for seeing it.  After another moment of silence, Emily murmured, “You’re safe here.  We both are.  Okay?  Whatever thoughts you’re having, they won’t hurt you.”</p><p>JJ swallowed around a familiar lump in her throat and returned the smile as best she could.  But she didn’t want to talk about this anymore, about Emily’s brushes with death that upset her more than she could handle, and said, “You fell asleep with a candle burning?”</p><p>Emily just snorted a laugh and drew her hand away from JJ’s face.  Their hands were still twined tightly together under the blankets. “Yeah, well, I wasn’t planning on falling asleep, was I?  I was reading.”</p><p>“What were you reading, then?  I didn’t recognize the title.”</p><p>“Oh,” Emily said dismissively, and JJ heard the joke in her voice as the tone of their conversation changed to something more lighthearted, less treacherous.  “That’s because it’s a Russian edition of Tolstoy.  Nothing too interesting, sorry.”</p><p>“Will you read it to me?” JJ asked suddenly, the idea sticking in her head, and she flushed red in the darkness as soon as the question was out, embarrassed for sounding so needy.  Emily, though, just smiled again, that soft, tender smile, and agreed.  She always agreed.</p><p><em> War and Peace </em> was not exactly JJ’s cup of tea, and even read aloud in Russian meant very little to her.  But when Emily turned on the bedside lamp, and the soft glow of it lit her face, cast delicate shadows of her eyelashes against her cheekbones, something in JJ finally settled.  As Emily turned to her back and propped herself up a bit against her pillows, JJ curled in closer until they were only just touching.  </p><p>Something like relief spread through her, overtaking the anxiety until calm was all that remained.</p><p>Her forehead pressed against Emily’s arm, bent knees grazing her leg, JJ finally felt safe enough to sleep as Emily’s low voice lulled her toward a temporary peace.</p>
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